


What We Lose

by WizardSandwich



Series: Toaster Fics [2]
Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Developing Friendships, M/M, coping with doubling yourself and not being able to hold your lover's hand again, kind of, megatron is empathetic i guess??? mostly he's sad and gay, serious conversations in a bar, takes place during ll25 i think? yeah
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-09 14:21:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20996237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WizardSandwich/pseuds/WizardSandwich
Summary: Megatron doesn't hurt alone.





	What We Lose

Toaster slides into the seat across from Megatron without a word. His blue optics are set on the drink in his servo. His expression is sour and somber. It’s silent for a long and awkward moment, then Toaster says, “I hear we’re going back to Cybertron. That you’re getting your execution.”

Toaster’s words are blunt but not cutting. He states them like they are fact. They are. “Yes,” Megatron says, “but anyone here could have told you that.”

Toaster presses his lips into a straight line. The malleable metal of his face almost lightens under the stress. His optics dim in a sad sort of way. “I hear we’re going to try to punch a hole in dimensional space,” he says, voice softer and less forceful. He is mourning. What, Megatron does not know.

“That is what Rodimus is planning,” Megatron returns carefully. He’s not sure what exactly Toaster is trying to say. He’s not sure about what part of living and adventure hurts a mech who joined the crew of the Lost Light. Every single member of this crew was trying to run from something. “What is your point?”

“Figured you’d understand.” Toaster shrugs and finally lifts his drink, downing it quickly and setting the glass on the table. “You’re going to leave someone too, aren't you? From that other universe? The one where things were worse?”

Megatron’s frame tenses. He had not thought himself obvious but perhaps Toaster is more observant than he thought. Megatron’s processor slides back to a small mech with bright optics, unbroken by the hold of the Functionalists. To gentle servos and a voice that could soothe a raging turbofox. Calm in the middle of a storm. Crux.

He knows that he could never ask that mech to go to another universe with him. The guilt would kill Crux. Besides, he is not on this ship and this is the last run. There’s no way to even have him with him. Guilt tells Megatron that he is only leaving Crux without a fight. That he’s abandoning him in both ways that he can.

“How did you know?” Megatron asks, trying to distract himself even a little. He is almost surprised by how rough his voice sounds.

“You have that look in your optics,” Toaster informs. His foredigit lazily traces the rim of his glass, his optics almost vacant. He, too, is lost in a world he will never get to glimpse again.

Megatron makes a decision before he can stop himself. “What is their name?” he asks.

Toaster’s optics snap up to Megatron’s face. His gaze is harsh, not quite a glare but neither a warning. Toaster opens his mouth to speak then swallows what was likely a biting remark, “Jazz. You and everyone on Cybertron know him.”

Megatron resists the old, old urge to laugh. He shoves back the disbelief. He says, “I do. Does he know that you love him?”

“I—” Toaster hesitates like he’s trying to pull together every word that Jazz has ever said. “I—Yeah. I think so. I told him I was coming back. He told me he was counting on it. So yeah.”

The words spill out of Toaster’s mouth before the mech even seems aware of them. It makes Megatron wonder just how many drink he’s had, too say that or to even approach Megatron like this.

It’s quiet again. The kind that hurts and aches with loss. They both know what they are going to lose, what they will have to recover from. Toaster will get to go home, but he also won’t. When this is over, they will both hurt from the coming home they will not get. It would not be surprising if Toaster were angry with him and Rodimus.

“His name is Crux,” Megatron finally says. “His alt mode is a tiny cargo transport. The Functionalists deemed him obsolete due to his alt mode serving less of a purpose with the falling Cybertronian population. No one needed minibot parts. He ran to us as soon as he could.”

“And you love him?” Toaster asks, like a young mech unsure of himself.

“And I love him,” Megatron confirms. The lump in his throat has returned and it sounds so much more like loss than it should. He should be happy that Crux can have a life now. Crux can live without the fear of being recalled.

But something in Megatron’s spark burns and twists. He’s losing so much more than he wants to both his freedom and his death.

Toaster sums it up eloquently, “This hurts already.”

“I imagine it always will.” Megatron gives him a sad smile. “But I think the both of us will survive as well.”


End file.
